Not Quite Falling Pianos
by chartreuseian
Summary: Will Zimmerman hates pianos and with good reason too... I'd like to call this a tenuous T so just, you know, beware :P


**This is for ZaraShade because I keep promising to drop a piano on Will (and now Abby but I'm sure I can do that one later). It's not quite the 'piano falling from the sky' type of thing she had in mind but it's something of a compromise. I suppose this is in the same vein as "Good Scream Bad Scream?" and "Things that go THUMP" but it doesn't follow on directly... **

**Anywho, I don't own it. Probably a good thing as far as Will is concerned...**

**Let me know what ya think!**

**xx**

* * *

><p>Will had been cleaning. Why, he wasn't quite sure but he knew it had something to do with the Big Guy and asking would probably get him into trouble. In truth, he had been a little out of it but that had a lot to do with the amount of alcohol he'd had the previous night. Dimly he recognized he was being taken advantage of but the throbbing in his head prevented him from voicing anything expect barely audible protests.<p>

So, here he was, in the music room he didn't know they had, cleaning up the vomit he didn't remember putting there. Until he'd been rudely shoved into the room this morning with a bucket of cleaning supplies he wouldn't have thought that there was a grand piano in the Sanctuary but the trail of empty beer cans that led behind it said that it wasn't the first time he'd encountered the instrument.

Trying not to breathe through his nose, Will cleaned as quickly as his protesting body would allow, not really looking at the greeny-browny-yellowy mess before him lest the few dry crackers he swallowed for breakfast make a reappearance and increase his work load.

He continued musing over the fact that they had a room filled with musical instruments until suddenly-

Groan.

Moan.

Giggle.

- and he was all of a sudden distracted him from his task. From where he was crouched behind the piano, he couldn't see much more than two pairs of legs but he knew that giggle anywhere. It wasn't a sound he'd heard often nor one that he'd ever provoked but in an instant he knew that Helen Magnus was giggling.

"Stop laughing at me," a husky, masculine voice demanded, eliciting another giggle from what he hoped was a very intoxicated Dr. Magnus. The thought that she was giggling for... other reasons was terrifying and one Will refused to entertain.

"Make me," she whispered back and the man (who Will grudgingly admitted was bloody Tesla) growled before doing something that made her squeal in surprise. Taking in the way her legs were almost between his and the way sudden increase in the couple's breathing rates, Will felt a cold chill race up his spine. And he thought the vomit was gross.

He had to do something, say something, make some noise, anything to stop them from making out and-

"Oh, Nikola, please."

Oh God.

The pair of legs began moving quickly towards him.

A jacket fell to the ground.

Another jacket fell to the ground.

The piano all most shuddered and they came to a stop.

Then Helen's high heels were no longer touching the floor and he could hear the sound of zips.

"Don't you dare rip those, they're La Perle."

Will began to wretch.

"I'll buy you a new set."

Grunt.

Then Helen cried out.

Oh God.

Will tried desperately to block out the grunts and pants, to ignore the whimpers and pleas, to pretend he was anywhere but kneeling behind a piano listening to his boss and the vamp go at it like randy school kids. The cries grew louder and the thrusts grew stronger and the piano was now moving freely.

Oh God.

He was going to be sick, he just knew it. And the worst thing was, he was trapped. The wall was behind him and the piano in front and it wasn't as if he could sneak out _past _them to the door. Even if they didn't see him, he'd still...

Oh God.

Think of anything else, everything else, his mind urged. Just not what is going on up there. Think of Biggie. Or Henry. Or Abby. Or-

"Oh God! Nikola, I-"

Or ANYTHING BUT THE FACT THAT THEY ARE HAVING SEX!

His mind was reeling, his breathing short and try as he might, he couldn't stop the swirling of his stomach.

And then all of a sudden, with one last, hard thrust the two lovers cried out in ecstasy at the exact same moment Will cried out in pain.

"What was that?"

"Hmm?"

"No, Helen I'm serious, did you just hear that?"

"Hear what?"

There was some scuffling and shuffling and Helen's feet landed back on the floor.

"Urrghhhhhhhhmmmmpshs."

"What was that?"

"That's what I was talking about."

"Mmmmffffffghrrrrrrr."

"There it is again!"

"It's coming from behind the piano."

...

"Oh God! Will, are you alright?"

"What in god's name was he doing down there?"

"I don't know, just help me get him up."

...

"Magnus?"

"Yes Will, I'm here, just stay still, we'll have you up in a second."

"Why me?"

"Be quiet Huggybear and let us get you- OH _please_ don't tell me that's what I think it is!"

"Nikola, help me get him up!"

"But he's covered in vomit!"

"Yes but it's your fault. I think he must have been hit by the piano while you were..."

"If I remember correctly, you weren't exactly passive. The piano moved when _we_-."

"Shut up."

"Magnus?"

"What is it Will?"

"Mmmmphgggg."

"He seems to have a concussion."

"That much is obvious, Nikola. Now go get the others, we need to get him down to the infirmary."

"Magnus?

"I'm here Will, it's alright."

"I hate pianos."

Helen had the good decency to blush at that.


End file.
